So today didn't start off so well... I woke up crying from the dream I had that I don't remember, and the fight that started between me and Doran lasted through the night so I woke up angry too. Alexa spent the night again, but she was already up babysitting Westley.
Well, I started doing my homework while waiting for Doran to get online -- I wasn't intending on talking to him because I was still upset, but I wanted to see if he would try to talk to me. About ten or so minutes after he signed on (at 1:36 PM, I remember), he said hello to me. After that, things kind of went to crap. I won't give the details, just in case he doesn't want me to, but I can say how I felt about the whole thing.
He was very upset about what I did the night before and we started talking about it. I kept provoking him, egging him on, trying to get him truly mad at me. I wanted him mad. I wanted to fight with someone. I wanted to scream, to cry, to get completely angry. So I kept saying things that I knew would get to him. It's sadistic and cruel, but I needed it. He'll probably hate me for reading this too. Mfg.
This whole argument lasted until around three or three thirty. By that time I had stopped trying to focus on homework. I was exhausted and I felt like sleeping. I also didn't feel like arguing anymore. I had hit the point I needed to hit in order to feel better. So I caved and apologized for everything.
I felt a lot better afterwards. I got everything out there and we were able to move on with the rest of the day. I finished most of my homework, Sheldon went over to his house to study vocab, and so far, everything seems better. Although... Some of the things he said really hurt and they're still in my thoughts, but I bet it's the same for him too. I know I can be a total b**** sometimes.
The rest of the day progressed really slowly. I did homework most of the time, and whenever I wasn't doing homework I was watching TV. Alexa babysat Westley the whole time 'cause she loves the kid so darn much and it's hard not to because he's such a cutie.
My family and I celebrated my dad's birthday by making him a cake. In all honesty, we always spend birthdays like a regular day until it gets around evening time. Then we have a cake and some ice cream and go back to what we were doing before. It's not that bad, actually. I like it because I was able to get more homework done. All I have now is Coursey's essay and I'm procrastinating on it.
Anyways, that's pretty much my day. Nothin' special, half bad, half good. Toodles.
What a rough weekend. I hate all kinds of arguments, even though I know that it's impossible to go through life without them.
ReplyDeleteI know that it's a natural human response to stress and that almost always the people who become the target of that outpouring is the people you love and care about the most.
I know that if you truly love and care about that person that you two could say the most dispicable and nasty things to each other and still forgive each other in the end because each person knows that neither of them meant what they said.
But I still really hate it.
I'm not proud of what I said to you. Some of what you said did hurt me as well. It's hard to imagine such anger could accompany a loving relationship. But I guess that's how people are. Anybody who's had parents who have been together and faithful for years and years know: As much love as there is in a relationship, it can't stop the occasional argument. And some of them are downright nasty.
In short, all I can really say is that I'm glad it's over with. And I'm glad we apologized. And most of all, I'm glad that LIFE GOES ON. Despite our argument we both went on to have a halfway decent day, and now we can talk to each other like civilized people.
Let's just not make this a regular thing. I prefer to not be mad at you.
Toodles <3