I had a really boring Sunday. I woke up at nine and did nothing all day until eleven at night when I did my homework. Everything in between was filled with watching TV, eating, talking to friends, and a nap.
I had a day of Senioritis, I guess. I didn't want to do anything. Since I finished my Senior Project portfolio I don't really have the motivation to do homework. And I'll be graduating so soon.. I just need good enough grades to pass and I'm good. That's the kind of mentality I DON'T want.
I mean, it's pretty easy to keep my A's, except for bio. That's the only class I actually have to try in. And maybe a little in Calculus. But honestly, I barely have to try in my other classes. I don't feel like I'm BSing anything. I just feel like I hardly have to try.
I don't know what it is. But whatever, I'm not going to worry about it.
Wow. I think this is the shortest post I've had since starting this blog. That's so strange to think about. Ah well, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. Well, toodles.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Wonderful Saturday
I had a really wonderful Saturday today.
I went to Doran's house to spend the day with him, since my mom had to go help my grandparents and they live only about an hour away. We didn't really do much -- just hung about his house talking, being silly, and sleeping.
I have to say that my favorite part about today was getting to sleep on Doran's comfy bed beside him. He always keeps me the right temperature and I love to have his arm wrapped around me while I'm sleeping. I feel safe and secure like that. We actually did fall asleep for about two hours. It was fantastic.
The other part of the day was spent making videos with Aubeni. The last one we did was really long and consisted of me and Doran being very silly and stage fighting. It was fun to pretend to hit him (even though sometimes I actually did).
Anyway, I know I haven't been on in a while, but I have good reason. This week has been really hectic for me because I was scrambling to get my senior project portfolio done (which I can rightfully say it HAS) and over the four day weekend I was in New York for the arts program trip. It was the best trip of my life. I came back with so many memories and inside jokes.. I even documented the trip with my camera, but if you want to see all that stuff you have to add me as a friend on Facebook.
Unfortunately, if you aren't my friend in real life, that will be very difficult for you to do. I'm not releasing my real name.
Well, that was pretty much my day today. I know this post is really short, but I'm too tired to write anything more and my wrist really hurts. So toodles.
I went to Doran's house to spend the day with him, since my mom had to go help my grandparents and they live only about an hour away. We didn't really do much -- just hung about his house talking, being silly, and sleeping.
I have to say that my favorite part about today was getting to sleep on Doran's comfy bed beside him. He always keeps me the right temperature and I love to have his arm wrapped around me while I'm sleeping. I feel safe and secure like that. We actually did fall asleep for about two hours. It was fantastic.
The other part of the day was spent making videos with Aubeni. The last one we did was really long and consisted of me and Doran being very silly and stage fighting. It was fun to pretend to hit him (even though sometimes I actually did).
Anyway, I know I haven't been on in a while, but I have good reason. This week has been really hectic for me because I was scrambling to get my senior project portfolio done (which I can rightfully say it HAS) and over the four day weekend I was in New York for the arts program trip. It was the best trip of my life. I came back with so many memories and inside jokes.. I even documented the trip with my camera, but if you want to see all that stuff you have to add me as a friend on Facebook.
Unfortunately, if you aren't my friend in real life, that will be very difficult for you to do. I'm not releasing my real name.
Well, that was pretty much my day today. I know this post is really short, but I'm too tired to write anything more and my wrist really hurts. So toodles.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Stress stress and more stress
God, I don't even remember the last time I came on here. It's been a while, and I don't remember half of what's happened this week.
To put it concisely, I've been stressed.
AP homework, combined with dance, friends, the looming due date of senior projects have all pretty much been weighing me down since this the beginning of this week. Monday I had dance, Tuesday I had a basketball game to perform at, Wednesday I hung out with Daniel and Danielle then later had dance practice again, and today I had another basketball game to perform at. Also, I've had homework all week and a Calc test yesterday.
I'm honestly surprised I haven't gone insane yet. I'm just barely making it through the day, coming home exhausted but having to stay up late doing homework. Yesterday, right after I came home, I started my homework, helped my dad with my nephews, went to dance, came home, and finished homework. By the time I went to sleep it was a little after 1:30 in the morning. Then I had to get up early today to get ready for the rallies at school. And I had a full day.
I am so tired.
But I don't get to sleep just yet. I have to do SOMETHING on my senior project. I keep procrastinating and making up excuses that I have no time. I have time today and I'm going to start that stupid five page essay. I really hate senior projects -- yes, they provide a lot of opportunites and experiences, but there's way too much stress involved. If they lessened the requirements it wouldn't be so bad. But there's a LOT that we have to do.
Anyway, I mainly wanted to get a couple things off my chest.
I don't think I can go another day without talking to Doran for at least an hour with neither of us doing any kind of work. Honestly, both of us have been so busy doing our own things and living our own lives that we barely have any time to spend with each other. It really hurts when one of us has nothing to do and the other just has a crapload of work. Like today, for instance. Doran pulled an all nighter last night just to get his book review done (and whatever else he needed), and right now he's studying for his AP Art History test, then afterward will most likely go straight to bed. I have no work that's immediately due tomorrow so I could honestly just relax for a bit, but though I really really really want to spend time with him I can't.
I have said this to many people many times, but no matter how much I say it it doesn't change a thing. I hate it with every fiber of my being.
I know Doran knows this. I know he doesn't like it either. But that doesn't change things either. My friends try to help; they tell me that I should just go to sleep early and not worry about it. I can't help but worry about it! I have to show him that I still love him and care for him -- it's like a need, a necessary part of my life -- but I don't know how I can do that without bothering him when he has things to do. I'm trying to be supportive but I can only go so far. I'm so frustrated and hurt and depressed...
I don't know what to do. I can't function anymore because my thoughts are consumed by him. I have love for him that I need to give, but so much of it is spent on friends because I can't give it to him. There's no time to talk to him. I can't just stop him from what he's doing, because that'll waste time and make him go to sleep later and get all grumpy later. And even though all of this is making me sad, I have to refrain from leaning on him so I won't stress him out, which makes me lean on others and get close to them... I'm kind of afraid that we're growing distant, but at the same time I know that we're not.
I don't know what to do anymore.
To put it concisely, I've been stressed.
AP homework, combined with dance, friends, the looming due date of senior projects have all pretty much been weighing me down since this the beginning of this week. Monday I had dance, Tuesday I had a basketball game to perform at, Wednesday I hung out with Daniel and Danielle then later had dance practice again, and today I had another basketball game to perform at. Also, I've had homework all week and a Calc test yesterday.
I'm honestly surprised I haven't gone insane yet. I'm just barely making it through the day, coming home exhausted but having to stay up late doing homework. Yesterday, right after I came home, I started my homework, helped my dad with my nephews, went to dance, came home, and finished homework. By the time I went to sleep it was a little after 1:30 in the morning. Then I had to get up early today to get ready for the rallies at school. And I had a full day.
I am so tired.
But I don't get to sleep just yet. I have to do SOMETHING on my senior project. I keep procrastinating and making up excuses that I have no time. I have time today and I'm going to start that stupid five page essay. I really hate senior projects -- yes, they provide a lot of opportunites and experiences, but there's way too much stress involved. If they lessened the requirements it wouldn't be so bad. But there's a LOT that we have to do.
Anyway, I mainly wanted to get a couple things off my chest.
I don't think I can go another day without talking to Doran for at least an hour with neither of us doing any kind of work. Honestly, both of us have been so busy doing our own things and living our own lives that we barely have any time to spend with each other. It really hurts when one of us has nothing to do and the other just has a crapload of work. Like today, for instance. Doran pulled an all nighter last night just to get his book review done (and whatever else he needed), and right now he's studying for his AP Art History test, then afterward will most likely go straight to bed. I have no work that's immediately due tomorrow so I could honestly just relax for a bit, but though I really really really want to spend time with him I can't.
I have said this to many people many times, but no matter how much I say it it doesn't change a thing. I hate it with every fiber of my being.
I know Doran knows this. I know he doesn't like it either. But that doesn't change things either. My friends try to help; they tell me that I should just go to sleep early and not worry about it. I can't help but worry about it! I have to show him that I still love him and care for him -- it's like a need, a necessary part of my life -- but I don't know how I can do that without bothering him when he has things to do. I'm trying to be supportive but I can only go so far. I'm so frustrated and hurt and depressed...
I don't know what to do. I can't function anymore because my thoughts are consumed by him. I have love for him that I need to give, but so much of it is spent on friends because I can't give it to him. There's no time to talk to him. I can't just stop him from what he's doing, because that'll waste time and make him go to sleep later and get all grumpy later. And even though all of this is making me sad, I have to refrain from leaning on him so I won't stress him out, which makes me lean on others and get close to them... I'm kind of afraid that we're growing distant, but at the same time I know that we're not.
I don't know what to do anymore.
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