My two weeks of hell

Starts tomorrow.

Wish me luck.


...



Let the games begin.

Bad Dream

I had kind of a bad dream last night and early this morning. Amidst the normal convoluted stuff that was going on, I was trying to have fun with Doran...but he pushed me away and just left. The funny thing was that when he pushed me away I didn't even think anything of it -- it felt like it was a normal thing that was happening. But after he left I felt completely dejected, and though I tried to search for love from others that were there, none of them would love me in return either.

I'd never felt so alone in a dream before. And now as I sit here trying to relax I feel like bits and pieces of me are falling apart, like I'm crumbling under stress or something.

Actually, there was another part of my dream that really captures how I'm feeling. It's a little difficult to describe, but I'll try my best.

I was an observer during this scene, and around me the setting was of an Egyptian city. I didn't know who the people were, but they were all dressed in Egyptian type clothing as well. I remember there were three people to my right who appeared to be either of royalty or high standing, and to my left there was a commoner who I believe had either stolen something or was a pariah. He cowered beneath the might of the other three people, who I realized were actually gifted in magical arts. The center one uttered a curse, and there was this purple smog that exited his mouth and went past me to the man on my left.

It was here that my point of view changed. I ended up becoming the man, and I saw the purple smog coming towards me. Then my view changed back to where I was before, and I saw the smog enter the man's body. It was by far the most screwed up thing I have ever seen.

After the smog entered his body, large chunks of his body just started falling off of him. His skin ripped off, exposing the muscle underneath, and at some points he even ripped it off himself. His screams of excruciating pain were so unbearable and yet I couldn't take my eyes off him. And it kept happening too! His limbs would grow back,the skin would reappear, and then it would all start falling off again. His arms would fall to the ground, he would rip the skin off his chest as if it was wet pieces of paper.

I stood there horrified, watching it happen. Then the point of view changed and I was one of the magician people, and to them, he was simply on the ground screaming. Nothing bad was happening to him. I was still in shock, and I uttered a counter-curse to save him. After that he simply lay on the ground panting and shuddering.

It probably doesn't sound as extreme from the way I described it. But I saw it in full detail in my dream and I don't think I'll be able to get that image out of my head. But I feel like it's a good representation of what I'm feeling right now.

I need to rest for a little.. Toodles.

STRESS & GRADUATION OH MY GOD

I think I might die from the level of stress now currently on my shoulders. I'm going to be graduating in a month and a half, and the next two weeks are going to be filled with preparing for Senior Project Presentations, homework, testing, and finals. The anxiety filling my stomach is making me sick and I consistently feel like screaming. At the same time, I have to balance out those feelings with an intense focus on my homework, so I don't let Senioritis plague me. It came for one week before I quelled it with what might I had, so that it wouldn't come back again.

The problem now is that my classes have gotten so repetitive. That seems to be a theme for me this week. For example, during English, three minutes seemed like fifteen. The closer we get to AP Testing the more my classes focus on preparing. I have four AP classes (five if you count third block of core) and I only have six classes. And choir isn't getting any more interesting because we keep working on the same exact pieces of music over and over again, trying to clean them up and get our pronunciation/enunciation down pat. Even dance has gotten boring, because we continuously go over the same dance, cleaning it up, making moves sharper and bigger, etc.

I feel I'm on an endless cycle, only the closer it gets to graduation the more that cycle starts to unravel and reality sets in. I'm trying to take one day at a time, but it's so difficult when I keep thinking about the future... I mean, I just had to read all of the Housing Regulations and stuff for SSU today so my dad could make the first payment on my dorm.

I'm absolutely terrified of going off to college and leaving all of my friends behind. I don't feel I'm ready to start my life on my own. And yet the excitement of being away from parents and being able to make my own decisions without some type of guidance makes me want graduation to come faster. Right now... I just want time to stand still so I can take a deep breath, let myself relax, and get my priorities reorganized.

Life isn't letting me have that little moment though, so I have to make do. Thank God for TV... Though it's a huge distraction it helps me relax. Now I wonder if I should work on chapter twenty seven notes or just enjoy the night.

While working on notes would be useful, enjoying the night sounds much more appealing. Well, I'll decide later. Toodles.

Ugh

I feel like crap. I'm exhausted, tired, and my brain is slowly shutting down, like an old apple computer. I'm going to pretend it's still April 19th for the sake of this post.

I've pretty much felt like crap all day. It started last night, after Doran went to bed. The stuff we talked about really got me thinking, and though I'm not going to repeat everything we said, I will say that I pretty much felt dejected.

Now none of this is his fault -- I take the blame because I overreact often to little things he says. But sometimes what he tells me really gets me thinking.

Our conversation was mainly about what we do when we're together, and I realized that I'm really repetitive. I don't feel like I'm spontaneous like I used to be, though Doran tells me that I'm the most spontaneous person he knows. I feel like I'm just doing the same old thing over and over again, with nothing new to spice things up. He tells me that's not true, but I can't help but feel it now.

The real problem with this is that these feelings are just festering inside me and I'm making it worse than it ought to be. It's affecting my perception of things that previously wouldn't bother me as much.

Like tonight, when we were talking on Skype. All Doran wanted was to go to bed after he had finished homework (and it was after midnight by then) and I instantly started thinking about what we talked about last night. The way he said he just wanted sleep made me think that he's... well, that he's bored of me. What he told me last night had the same tone too.

Stupid stupid stupid.

I hate myself for thinking these things, and for taking things further than they need to be. And though he repeatedly tells me that what I'm thinking isn't true, I can't get over it. I guess you could say I don't believe him, which is partially true, but I also know that it's my own faulty way of looking at things.

See, this is what happens when I'm allowed to think for long periods of time -- I start to fester on every little detail, and I make myself believe it's a fault on my part. And even though I know this I still can't help but do it.

God, I'm not even making sense anymore. It's so freaking late too and I didn't even finish Leslie's notes. >.<

I hope you're somehow getting the gist of what I'm trying to say. And if not, basically I feel like Doran is bored of me -- to what extent, I don't know.

I guess I'm just being dumb again... I'm going to bed now.. Toodles.

Prom!!! Part 2

So I remembered some things about Prom last night while I was talking to Doran on the phone. I decided that I might as well mention them in a separate post since I doubt anyone will go and read the last one all over again.

So I described the girls' dresses, but I didn't describe the guys' suits. Doran wore a blue suit with, oh my gosh, an ORANGE tie! His boutonniere was white with an orange ribbon. He looked quite handsome in my opinion. Henrik wore a black suit with a black tie and his boutonniere was a purple flower. Daniel wore a black suit with a shiny blue vest, black tie, and white boutonniere. Kai wore a black suit with a blue shirt, black bow tie, and a white boutonniere.

Now I have to say, Jon was dressed the best. He had a white suit with black pinstripes to go along with the theme of Prom, A Stop in Time. He had a black shirt underneath with a blue tie that actually matched Daniel's vest and he had a white boutonniere. He also had black and white shoes that were hella sick.

So like I said, the theme of prom was A Stop in Time. The only problem with that theme was that NO ONE knew what it meant! The people who came up with it didn't specify exactly what time period we were stopping in. And, as always, no one even tried to follow the theme. Well, scratch that, a couple people did. Cameron actually came with a top hat and cane and I gave him a hug for that.

After the dance Daniel and I were talking and he came up with a really good point about girls and their dresses. He said that the girls who wear the really short dresses are the ones most likely to freak dance and that the girls who wear the long gowns aren't. Now, both of us know that's not true for everyone, but it was a pretty good observation.

Okay now I'm drawing blanks again... I guess I'll just add more onto this post since it's shorter. But later. Toodles.

Prom!!!!

So my friends are sitting next to me getting pissed because I'm blogging and they want me to eat food with them but I don't care because I'm going to write about how awesome Prom was last night.

Becca says hi everyone. And Megan says she's queen because they rigged the voting system. Stupid preps. Anyway.

Last night was absolutely fantastic. Well, actually, all of yesterday was. Doran came over around one in the afternoon and we spent all day together just hanging out and stuff. Then around four thirty we started getting ready for Prom, though we were really cutting it close because we had to be at Becca's at 6:15. We were only like ten minutes late. But anyways..

This is the dress I wore to prom. I have fair skin so I actually pulled off the look. Also, my mom curled my hair and I wore neutral colored makeup. My shoes were silver. I thought I looked fabulous and all of my friends did too, and that really helped boost up my self-esteem.

Oh my gosh, you should have seen all of the pretty dress my friends were wearing. Becca, our prom queen nominee, wore a deep purple dress that hugged her curves and her hair was pulled back into a stylish bun. She also had black elbow length gloves and purple eyeshadow. She looked stunning. Megan wore a flow-y knee length green dress with ties in the back, black gloves, and a little hair band decoration in her hair. She had a floral shawl too, which completed the look. Raina wore a dark purple ankle length strapless dress that hugged her body with a purple floral pin at the top. Her hair was pulled back into a stylish braid that took over twenty bobby pins to hold in. My other friend Megan wore a bright blue strapless gown with a sparkle design on the torso with ties in the back and her hair up in a curly bun. Emily wore a dark blue dress with long pieces of cloth sewn into the back that could either be part of a shawl or just flow-y decorations. Her hair was curled a little and some of it pinned up.

I have to say that all of us looked extremely fantastic. We all thought it was funny that I was the only one wearing orange. I stood out. Haha.

Okay, so after Doran and I got ready (he had a matching orange tie ^.^) we left for Becca's house and got there a little late. We took group photos with everyone and I got a lot of compliments on my dress. I honestly felt like a princess. Then after photos we headed over to Olive Garden where we were supposed to eat, but once we arrived they told us there would be an hour wait. None of us wanted to wait that long so we all decided to go to In and Out (which is so much better in my opinion) and everyone there looked at us with incredulous expressions because they had no idea why such nicely dressed people were at a fast food restaurant.

But we ate dinner there anyways, and we took tons of pictures and even got the workers to take one with us. It was so much fun and we had a blast just hanging out and talking and having fun with each other. At one point Jon stood up and raised his cup for a toast, and we all did the same. Thinking about it now kind of makes me nostalgic for the good ol' days, when we didn't have to think about college or graduation or leaving our friends. Life has passed by so quickly that it's hard to keep up with everything going on.

But anyways, after we all ate we headed over to the Santa Rosa Hyatt Vineyard Hotel where prom was at. I love it there because it's so beautiful. We got through all the security stuff and I found out that there was one other girl there who was wearing the EXACT SAME DRESS as me. I tried not to be surprised about it because I bought it at JC Penny's so there was bound to be someone else wearing it too, but I was still a little sad. Though I have to say (and my friends agree) I pulled it off a lot better. I don't want to be vain, though I guess I already am. Haha. Oh well.

The first thing Doran and I did after getting through security was get our pictures taken. I told him that it would be better to do it sooner than later, because later we would all be sweaty and gross. So we waited in a medium-long line and the photographer posed us. I can't wait to get the photos and see what we look like. ^.^

After pictures were through we voted for Becca for prom queen and Cameron for prom king and then headed into the dance room. Our friends were all surrounding a circular table near the food, so I pulled him over there. Throughout all of this we came across quite a few of my friends, who I made spin around for me to show me their dresses. Everyone looked really fantastic. There were a couple of people wearing orange dresses and a lot of red. One person I saw wore white, but the main colors were blue, red, and black.

Unfortunately, this year Doran and I didn't dance so much. We did dance to every slow song, which were actually my favorite ones. At one point Jon started a party boy line, similar to conga line, and he led everyone around the room. The bad part about that was that Doran accidentally spilled his drink all over the floor and the whole line came crashing through the spilled ice and soda. Both of us were like, "NNOOO GO THE OTHER WAYYY" but no one heard us. The workers cleaned up fast though.

Oh, so the food they had was delicious. It was all dessert food, but they had apple slices, kind of parfaits, graham crackers, pretzels, pineapple slices, strawberries, marshmallows, wafers, chocolates, cantaloupe slices, cupcakes, and best of all, a chocolate fountain. I tried to stay away from that because I knew if I tasted it I wouldn't stop eating it. So I stuck to eating apple slices, which were actually really delicious. For drinks they had a variety of Shirley Temples, water, and some sodas, like orange Fanta, Pepsi, Coke, and I think root beer. The Shirley Temples were soooo good.

Okay back to the party. So my friends and I mostly stayed away from the dance floor because it was just a giant mosh pit and we didn't want to get crushed in the throng of people. Though at one point the DJ announced that there would be swing songs playing, so after the floor cleared my friends and I invaded and did the Charleston (which I seriously don't know how to dance) and then we did a bunch of swing dances. When the fast song came on Jon grabbed Megan and they started showing off their moves, doing flips and dips and the like. It was actually pretty cool.

After the swing dancing most of us went out into the lobby section to get some air. I was talking to Brenda and Anthony and Anthony was sweating like a dog so I grabbed some napkins on a table nearby and started wiping his face. He turned a little red at that but I told him he needed it. Then I dragged Doran back inside to go sit down because he kept telling me his legs were hurting. We talked for a little, while the music vibrated throughout our bodies.

That was one thing I didn't like about the prom. The music was pretty much all the same. It consisted of a very loud, thumping bass with a little bit of actual music in the background. Like Unce music, really. They did play a few good songs though, including the swing songs and a couple from dance I knew. That was really fun, when they played like Single Ladies and Day n Night. I actually did the choreography from the Dance Team in my gown.

Oh, and then they had a Thriller competition! The DJ played Thriller and said that anyone who could do the whole dance would win two tickets to a rap concert. The funny thing is that Becca won and she isn't really into that kind of music. But she did the Thriller dance very well. Marisa won too, doing the routine from dance. It was fantastic.

Unfortunately, Becca didn't win title of Prom Queen. Instead this couple won, which pissed me off because that always rigs the voting system. Everyone I know wanted Becca to win. Stupid popular people.. And apparently this couple had been together since freshman year, which really pissed me off because so have Doran and I and it just seems stupid that that's how they vote. It's like, what the hell? But whatever.

After the swing dancing was finished and Becca won the Thriller dance, we all headed back to our dance corner by the food table. We started a like, tribal dance in this corner and a table of preps nearby kept looking at us like, "What the hell?" but the great thing was that none of us cared. We were dancing around in a circle really crazily and at one point I got in the middle and spun around dancing while everyone else grabbed hands and started rotating the opposite direction. It was so fun!! And even Doran got in on it.

God, I just realized this post must be extremely long. I'm sorry to those of you taking the time to read this, I got so into the details!! I can't help it, I just want to get everything documented..

But to continue.

I must have left Doran stranded so many times last night. It was only after I was finished getting to my destination that I realized I'd left him behind. So I had to maneuver back through the crowd to find him, and when I did I grabbed his hand and pulled him back. The few times we danced together were really fun.

Oh my gosh, so during one of the times Doran and I were on the dance floor together my friends Paulie and Kelly Rose were right behind me dancing too. Doran and I were facing each other and Paulie and Kelly Rose were facing each other, so Paulie and I were back to back. Now both of us were dancing a lot and our butts kept hitting each other and I was like "What the hell is going on?" and Paulie, at the same time, was thinking it was a competition. After about a minute I had to stop and turn around laughing at him because it was so awkward and weird. But thinking about it now makes me laugh out loud. What made it funnier was that neither Doran nor Kelly Rose knew about it until afterward.

Oh I remember that when Doran and I were at the front near the DJ's stage we were dancing together (while getting stuck in the mob) and some guy approached a girl behind me and asked her to dance. She told him sure and they started freaking right there and after the song was over he left. I honestly couldn't believe my eyes. I don't think they even knew each other and yet they danced like that! It was just.. incredulous to me. But I guess that's high school...

After about two hours of partying with my friends, and still having an hour before Prom ended, we were all pretty much beat. Doran and I just sat down together talking a little and relaxing. When our ride arrived we headed outside. I talked to a couple of my teachers for a moment, describing my before and after Prom self, then went into the nice cold air outside the building. It was lovely after being cramped in a sweat filled, heated room. When I got home I stayed up for a little longer, then conked out on my bed until around 11:30 this morning.

So that's just about everything I remember from Prom. If I do happen to remember anything else I'll mention it in a new post. Sorry again for it being so long.. I hope you enjoyed my rant though!

Thanks for reading if you did. Toodles!

Day of Silence

So Friday, April 16th, was Day of Silence. This day is to commemorate all of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender comrades in this world who are silenced by bullies, taunts, threats, etc. against their sexuality. I knew about this day before, but I never took part in it, because i didn't really understand what it was for. But this year, I decided that for one day, I would keep my mouth shut for the thousands of those who are forced to stay quiet.

And I have to say, that must have been the hardest thing I've ever completed in my life. I love to talk and I talk all the time. So staying silent for one full day of school was really hard. Others would say it's not, but communicating via paper and pen... It's not fun. Plus, during class discussions, I couldn't say a word or join in.

I realized that it's really hard to speak when others speak over you. I guess that's the gist of Day of Silence.

The thing that really pissed me off about being quiet was that people who were talking didn't even notice the few that stopped. And those that did merely made fun of us or gave us weird glances. The other thing that got to me was the fact that a few people would come up to me, realize I wasn't talking and why, and then say, "I support Day of Silence, but I don't do it because I'm not that extreme about it." That really pissed me off because the only way things have gotten done in this country is through extreme measures, like riots and strikes and whatnot. And not talking for a day isn't even that extreme at all.

Maybe I'm strange for getting so worked up about it, but people just need to understand and it's hard when they choose not to. I'm glad I'm one of the few that joined in this event because now I get the gist of what it's like. I already know I don't know exactly what it's like and I probably never will. But even trying to understand is an effort.

I guess I should stop now, since I have killer hiccups and I'm starting to not make sense. I'll have another post up soon though. Toodles.

Homework Death Swamp

So Doran and I have basically been dying under loads of homework this week. He's got it worse than I do, what with that stupid Art History class, but we're both up late at night like this still finishing. I guess that's probably our fault though, since we both like to procrastinate.

I blame it on technology. My reasons? Not only does it give me something to blog about, but it's also something that my class talked about in core the other day. With computers and the internet to broaden our social lives and TV to transport us from reality, it's not that difficult for the average teen to simply not work. Add it with Senioritis and you've got one hell of a slacker.

Not that I'm a slacker. I always do my homework and I finish it before it's do and I actually try. But the closer it gets to graduation the more I procrastinate. And Doran.. Well, he just procrastinates all the time. Haha.

My main problem with finishing homework is that while I'm working I have the TV on and my laptop in front of me with Facebook taking up the screen. Lately, though, the TV has been turned to a radio channel, just so I can have noise in the background. But Facebook I refresh like, every ten seconds because their stupid update thing doesn't work as well as I would like it to.

I think the other problem is that my homework lately has gotten repetitive. For English all I'm doing is reading and answering questions. In Calculus I'm practicing for the AP Calc exam by doing previous ones. In History it's notes every time, and in Bio I've been answering questions. It's not all that interesting anymore, but I trudge through it because I feel obligated to. It feels like a murky swamp of papers. I don't know.

Anyway, it's uber late and I'm really tired. Maybe you guys have the same feelings about homework? Post a comment if you do. Or if you don't. Doesn't matter. Toodles.

Cafe Noto

So I'm sitting here in Cafe Noto waiting for Megan and Becca to come. I'm just glad I'm not the only customer in here now, because I was for like, ten minutes. I hate that I had to be here so early too. I was going to sleep in until nine, but then I realized that I wouldn't have a ride if I did, since my dad needed the truck for work and my mom is babysitting. So now I'm here, waiting for friends to arrive.

Danielle and Daniel got back from Denmark last night and I just looked at all of Danielle's photos on Facebook. A lot of them are cute and funny and some are pictures of the scenery. Unfortunately I won't be able to see them until lunch, which makes me sad because I want to see them now. I really missed them and I can't seem to figure out why I missed them so damn much. I guess it's because they're my two bestest friends. ^.^

I don't know if I mentioned before, but on Wednesday last week I was invited by Megan, Becca, and Raina to their road trip to San Diego or Santa Cruz. The road trip was actually planned for the three of them and Danielle, but they extended the invitation to me since I became a part of their tight knit group. When I think about it it makes me really happy and excited. I hope my dad will agree to it -- in fact, I think I'll email him about it while I'm here.

Well, I finished the hot cocoa I got. I'm wondering if I should get anything else since my dad gave me a twenty before he dropped me off. I think I like Cafe Noto better than Starbucks, simply because it has a more family oriented atmosphere. It's cozy and warm and has free Wi-Fi, which I especially like.

So this lady just walked in and I want her shirt -- it's a deep red (almost maroon) color and it's kind of a turtle-neck, but the neck part is loose. I think Danielle has a shirt similar to it. I like it though.

Anyway, I'm going to go email my dad about the road trip. Toodles.

Mmmm Lomi Salmon and Poi...

So my mom made lomi lomi salmon and poi today, so I have something to eat! If you don't know what either of those are, you can search it up on Google or keep reading to find out!

Lomi lomi salmon is a special blend of green onions, white onions, tomatoes, and salmon. Poi is a paste made from taro plants (which also make taro bread). Together they're quite delicious. Poi has a terrible taste though by itself, which is what usually turns off people. I remember when I first had poi.. I thought it was the most disgusting thing I'd ever eaten, but now I love it! I guess it's an acquired taste.

Anyways, yesterday I went to Oakley for Sheldon's birthday party. It was really fun -- we went to the bowling alley (which I completely failed at) and then back to his house to play video games and whatnot. The party ended around four because Sheldon had to go to work.

After it was over, Doran, Aubeni, and I went back to their house to spend the next two hours together. My mom was going to get me at six thirty. Doran and I ended up falling asleep on his bed because we were so tired. I hadn't gone to bed until three that morning because I couldn't sleep, and though he got twelve hours of sleep he was still really tired as well. It was nice though and I really enjoyed it.

Now, today, I have to finish my English homework. Then I'm going to Danielle's house to welcome her and Daniel home from Denmark! I'll be they'll be tired from the plane ride and she'll be sad for leaving Greg. But I'm hoping she'll tell us all about the trip!

Anyways, I got to get to work. Toodles.

Spring Break Accomplishments

So I'm making a list of the very very few accomplishments I've made over Spring Break.

1. Finish history notes (I just did that two minutes ago).
2. Kept up with three role plays on Gaia.
3. Actually went out with friends instead of staying home ALL BREAK.
4. Said something nice to at least five people.
5. Chose a college to attend for the next four years.
6. Rode my bike at least once.
7. Made a relationship chart with Megan.

That's pretty much all I can think of as "accomplishments" I've done over break. I think the one I'm most proud of at the moment is that I finished my history notes in one day. Sure it took me a couple hours, but that's because I was doing other things as well. I managed to focus long enough to get it done and that's all that really matters to me.

Though I have to say, making a relationship chart with Megan was very interesting. We started with our normal group of friends and somehow managed to branch out and accommodate not only us but people from other groups as well. It's pretty confusing and difficult to explain, but so so epic. I'm going to continue it too, because I know there are a lot of people that connect to the ends of this chart. I'm going to digitalize it too. Anyways, I'm off to do that. Toodles.

Day with the girls

So today me, Megan, Raina, and Becca went to Scandia to have fun before we did actual history homework (which we haven't actually done yet...). First we had to go to Sonoma State to drop off Raina's younger brother for some shadowing thing he was doing for a research project. Becca and I were really excited while we were there, because that's the school we'll be going to in the fall. Afterward we went to Scandia, which was only about twenty minutes away.

While at Scandia we played a round of miniature golf, a few arcade games, and raced on the track. Mini golf was really amusing because Raina had such issues even hitting the golf ball, though by the end of the game she managed to get a hole in one. Becca almost broke one of the windows because she hit hers so hard. I somehow managed to get two hole in ones and I was so happy about it that I started dancing around excitedly and some kid looked at me like I was crazy. Megan, unfortunately, wasn't so lucky, though she at least beat Raina. It was really fun all in all.

The arcade games were all right, though we had issues with the DDR one. We couldn't figure out how to get to two players and the coin system was weird and we just got confused. Raina and I played ice hockey and I totally pwned her. At one point she hit the little puck and it hit my finger and I almost swore until I saw a young child nearby. But it was okay because later on I hit the puck so hard that it flew off the "rink" and almost whacked Raina in the face. We couldn't stop laughing because it was so funny.

Now the racing part was by far the most interesting. When we finally managed to get on the track Megan passed me up only because I was trying not to hit the woman in front of me who was driving her little daughter. Raina was by far the slowest and I kept yelling to her to go faster, but she didn't seem to listen. Later on in the race Megan had been slowing down so I could catch up, and some lady pushed into her car and made her spin around so that she was facing me. I turned around in my seat and saw a horde of cars coming, so I screamed "STOP" at them so they wouldn't crash into us. One guy actually managed to stop right before hitting Megan's car. It took the worker dude about five to ten minutes to finally get her sorted out before we could all drive again. It was pretty funny.

After Scandia we headed over to In n Out for some delicious food. I don't even remember eating the hamburger I ordered because I ate it so quickly. Then we picked up Raina's younger brother and headed home. Once I got home I took a shower and headed to dance, which pissed me off and was a total waste of my time because only FOUR of us showed up. There's almost twenty of us and only FOUR showed to practice, plus our coach. It was so annoying. But now I'm at Becca's new house with the girls and I'm so happy right now. It was really really nice to get out of the house.

Anyway, we're making a relationship tree of our friends and it's getting really interesting so I'm going to go join the fun. Toodles.

Homework Day and Glasses?

So today I've decided will be homework day. My teachers assigned quite a lot, so I'll only be doing half of it today and hopefully the rest of it tomorrow. But enough about that, because that's SO not what I want to talk about.

What I really want to talk about is the fact that Doran got his glasses today! He just showed me on Skype and he said he's going to take pictures and put them on Facebook. I think he looks so freaking handsome with them on, I can't believe it!!! Oh my gosh it makes me swoon even thinking about it, though I only saw him for like, two minutes before he went downstairs to go eat something.

I think he looks so fantastic and I believe that it's a little because I have a thing for guys with glasses. I can't help but smile when I think about it. I probably sound like an idiot but I don't care! ^_^

He looks a lot older and very intelligent with them on. I so totally love it. I was a little scared at first because I thought he'd have glasses like my dad's, which were large, round, and gold rimmed. But I LOVE these ones because they're just the right size and shape and just... OMGGG.

Anyways, I guess I should probably stop ranting about how fantastic my boyfriend looks and get back to my homework.. Although now I don't think I can focus on it because I'm tired and I just want to talk to him because he's been at school all day. God he looks so freaking fantastic. ^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^

Anyways, toodles.

One problem down, another to go.

I am officially going to Sonoma State University. And I'm so excited!!! I'm so glad I made my decision yesterday because I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The only problem is that, even though that weight is off my shoulders, another on was added on.

Last night Alexa came over and we talked about a lot of stuff, because that's what we do when we haven't hung out in a while. Well, while we were talking I brought up some stuff that I actually hadn't thought about before she was over. That normally happens when she's over. Well, I wrote down how I was feeling to Doran in an email around three in the morning, and I got his reply when I woke up. It was really long and detailed, and at the end he said he'd call me when he woke up. He's going to wake up soon (he went to bed at five thirty because his reply took a while) and I'm really nervous because he wants to talk about everything in the emails.

But anyway, this morning I sent him another email in reply to his reply, and I want him to read it before we talk about it. I kind of don't want to talk about it on the phone, simply because I don't know how to talk about serious stuff on the phone. I'm so used to doing it on AIM. Plus, I'm kind of scared to talk on the phone. I don't know why but I really am. And I put that in the email I sent this morning. So I want him to read it beforehand.

Hopefully our talk goes well. *crosses fingers*

Toodles.

College Decisions... Eep!

So my parents want me to accept my admission to Sonoma State today! I'm so nervous because I'll be deciding where I'll be living and spending my time for the next four years. It's a really frightening prospect and my heart races just thinking about it.

I guess part of the reason is that, though I love Sonoma State, I'm still not entirely sure if that's the place I want to go. I haven't visited any of the other colleges I've gotten accepted to (though a few I'm sure I'm not going to) and I feel like I should see my options before deciding. The problem with that is that time is running out fast. I have to make a decision by May 1st and I don't have enough time to go see all the colleges I want!

One good thing is I've narrowed down my decision between two schools: Sonoma State and University of the Pacific. They're both amazing schools with everything I want. Here's a list of pros and cons for each.

Sonoma State Pros:
1. Close to home but far enough away.
2. Has my intended major.
3. Very spacious, inviting, and beautiful.
4. Dorms are well accommodated.
5. Rec room looked fantastic.
6. Very up to date with technology.
7. Brand new music hall.
8. Two of my friends are going there so I won't feel too newbish.
9. Not as expensive as most schools.

Sonoma State Cons:
I couldn't think of anything.

University of the Pacific Pros:
1. Prestigious.
2. Amazing music program.
3. Has my intended major.

University of the Pacific Cons:
1. Far away (about two-three hours).
2. Accepted me for the wrong major (and didn't fix it).
3. Extremely expensive (about 40 grand per year).
4. Haven't seen the school (bad on my part).
5. I won't know anyone at all.

Wow. I guess Sonoma State is pretty much the one I should go for. I see nothing wrong with it, while University of the Pacific has a lot of cons. So why am I so uncertain? Maybe it's just nervousness or anxiety. Or both. Or maybe it's because I feel like if I accept my admission to Sonoma I won't be making the right decision for me. I don't want to consult anyone else, either, because I tend to side more with others than with myself. Damn it, I hate being so indecisive! But then again, it IS college...

. . .

Okay. After a moment of serious thought (and reference to the Sonoma State website) I think I've made my decision. I will go to Sonoma State University for the next few years to get my degree in whatever major I intend. I'm still nervous and excited and anxious, but I'm beginning to feel that this school is right.

Now, to accept my admission. Oh dear.

Toodles.

Prom Dress!!

So today, the epic happened.

I found a prom dress.

Now, this may not seem so fantastical to you, but for me, it's a miracle. Usually when I do any kind of shopping, it takes me more than a day to find something I like. Now, with dresses, it takes me about two or three days and many hours of shopping to find something that I like and that fits me. Being overweight doesn't help either.

But the epic happened today and I found a dress! I found it and it's beautiful and I look fantastic in it (which is rare) and I love it!!! I feel like a princess in it and I get excited just thinking about it. I refuse to give details though, because I know Doran will eventually read this and I don't want him to know anything about it.

Also, as a bit of a marketing device, go to JC Pennys if you're looking for a dress, because, even though they might not have a wide selection, they do have really amazing dresses. I went to this one dress shop at the Plaza mall in Santa Rosa that's downstairs and in the corner and their dresses were pretty much crap. They're all for smaller girls and they weren't that pretty. Plus, they were priced over two hundred dollars. But JC Pennys has served me well and my dress was only sixty bucks on sale.

Anyway, that's enough marketing out of me. It's like, two in the morning now, so I think I'll cut this post short. Sorry for those of you that wanted me to keep going. Toodles.

Hello again.

Right now, as I sit and type this, I'm watching Ice Age 2: The Meltdown, eating meatballs and drinking ice mocha stuff I make while my brother, Nick, is in the kitchen making himself lunch. He comes here to eat because his work is just a few minutes away from our house and we have awesome food. My mom is actually at his house watching his babies (who I miss very much) while his wife is at work. My dad's at his job doing whatever he does (it's sad that I don't know, I know).

My day has been pretty much mundane. I woke up at 9:30 AM, am waiting for the drier to stop, and have been role playing consistently since last night. I didn't go to bed until around four, so on five hours of sleep I feel like I'm doing pretty well. Oh, I also just started following my friend's blog. Wren's her name and she's a beautiful girl with lots of talent for drawing and painting. Here's the link The Origin of Love.

Her first post about the creation of the universe and of Earth pretty much made my brain explode. She's innovative and creative that way.

Oh, I just realized that today is April Fools!! Put on your jingly hats, folks, and bring out that juicy banana you've been waiting for someone to slip on. And for all you victims out there, watch out!

I had a fun time tricking Doran early this morning, a little after twelve. I made him believe I had some kind of terminal illness. My story went a little like this: A couple months ago I went to the doctor to get a physical, as well as to get some shots for the Swine Flu and blood tests for chicken pox. (That part is actually true.) Well, a couple days afterward, the hospital called me to tell me that they had found something in my blood. They wouldn't tell me over the phone so I had to go there to figure it out. They showed me what my blood test said, and it said, "APRIL FOOLS!!!"

Funny right? I didn't want to specify what kind of illness it was, because I felt that it would've gone too far and honestly, you really shouldn't joke about that stuff. But I couldn't resist tricking him since I'm never convincing, but I had a spur of the moment brilliant idea. Some of you might think I'm evil, vile, or cruel for doing something like that, but, come on, how many people have you seen faking a broken bone or head wound?

Anyways, I'm gonna get back to the rest of the internet world. I hope you all have a wonderful, joke-filled, fantastical April Fools Day!!

Toodles.